Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
tonight lets celebrate not being married
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.