You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...