hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.