So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
