Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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