Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
