i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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