i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize