About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
