Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
