it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
