This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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