Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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