Your dad touched me again.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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