If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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