God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
