Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
