I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
