matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize