You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
