You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
