Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
