Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
