he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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