no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
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we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
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Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal