So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
