ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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