Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
