it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
