You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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