I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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