my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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