batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
