My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
