I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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