Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
