I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
