Please don't use social media to get back at me.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
