i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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