There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The Olympian is in my bed
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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