id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize