College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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