I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I could fuck to npr.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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