I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
