i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
