you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
