I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
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In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
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Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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