So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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