Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
