I will die if light touches me.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
