I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
