I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
