I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
