I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
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