Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize