I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
