I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
