I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
