Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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