and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
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He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
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also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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