Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
