So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I showed him my bush... on skype.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
His hands were made for my vagina.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
