She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
