I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
